I've never been transphobic or anti-feminist, but these kid who gets all their information from tumblr and use being “PC” as a way to act out and unload on people have made me cringe at all of them in general. Am I legitimately unaccepting of trans* people? Of course not. I've supported trans* people my whole life, thought I was a feminist, and even seriously contemplated gender identity for years. I was elected as president of my school's GSA because I want to work to ensure that everybody alive has the right to equality and a strong voice.
However, does that voice have to be quite so unpleasant?
I'm not talking about the amazing leaders in the trans* community and those who know just how important it is to work for the safety of trans* people everywhere. I'm talking about those little tumblr twits who scroll through endless snippets of information, not bothering to fact-check or think for themselves, and get themselves all up in a hissyfit because the world is so obviously depressing.
Do you really think world peace is going to happen if you comment on Billy Bob's post about the cis-white-male-abelist-racist-gendernormative-heteronormative-dickhead with another slew of the same words and an extra dosage of rage? How is that useful?
You know what? The world is full of hate. Focusing on every tiny morsel of it you find is a waste of frickin' time. All you did was put more of that hate in the world. Sure, it might be enough to get yourself off the hook from feeling guilty because you know you're doing little of value to truly help your community. If you were, you wouldn't have enough time for those pointless, hate-filled comments.
The worst part is when people who genuinely want to understand your plight, and don't know anything about the trans* identity or feminism, reach out to ask questions only to get their heads bitten off by a bunch of people who have become too self-important to be nice to others. Well you know what? Not everybody has gone through the same things you have, and not everyone is going to know what you know (or think you know, anyway). These people have come to you for answers and understanding.
For that brief moment, you represent to them the entire community you are a part of, and what you've shown them is cruelty and malice. Great job! You scarred them for life and now they'll be able to tell their friends that they met a trans* person or a “feminist” once. They had naively thought maybe they could be part of the group themselves and help the cause. But, instead, they had a horrific firsthand experience that will haunt them forever. If they hear the words “trans*” or “feminism,” all they will think of is you and your hatred.
KUDOS! LIKE! STAR IT! SHARE! TWEET IT! PIN IT! LOOK AT YOUR VICTORY! GR8 JOB!
Yelling at people – yeah, now that's the way to change the world! Reviling people and getting them as defensive and angry as you feel is super productive, especially when you manage to turn them against your cause. You may not have meant to, but due to the extreme amount of negativity you've unloaded on them, don't be surprised when all they feel is anger when they're reminded of anything you were trying to pound into their heads. I can see how you might confuse that with “helping.” Okay, not really.
So maybe I threw in the term “transphobic” to get people hooked, to revel in controversy, to roll around in attention for a minute so that I can talk about something that really bothers me. The fact that these methods have actively turned people with the capacity for unconditional love across all spectrums, into shaky, angry people who can't see the word “trans*” or “feminist” without wanting to punch something, is really saying a lot to me. I never had a problem with trans* people or feminists until social media gave the wrong ones a chance to represent their community. I could easily be considered a member of either group.
That said, I don't care how many of you are going to bash this post and use all your pretty little words and insults at me – because it will just prove to me that you've missed the point, and you're not worth acknowledging. I want the trans* people and feminists who actually care about making a difference in the world to address this as a fundamental problem. Because I want to see humanity in general succeed. Women, trans*, men, who even cares? Love is what people need to succeed. I want to see trans* people and women treated equally and given a voice, and you, my little angry friends, are really fucking things up for everybody.
If I, an asexual feminist woman in a lesbian relationship (and thus, ultimately somehow an indirect member of the trans* community due to the nifty asterisk) can be so distraught and deterred by your methods, to the point that I don't even want to read anything written for or by the feminist or trans* audience (barring prominent activists I already know and trust) then what do you think you're doing to help your image and debunk the myths and fears most common people have of women and gender identities? People are taught to fear what they don't understand and grow up sheltered from the reality that we exist. They just legitimately don't know better.
I'm from a small town where even just being gay is like, “Holyshitwhat? That happens?” Let alone the radical ideas fueling feminism and the trans* community. That kind of thing pretty much never happens in a small town, and thus it isn't something most people know they should think about, let alone obsess over, like you do as a part of it. Therefore, they will not be equipped to handle all of your slurs and terminology if they suddenly, by some miracle, become curious enough to ask questions and attempt to show compassion and understanding in their own ways.
The fact that they're interested alone is a victory. And yet what are way too many people doing? Scaring them off and making them feel like we don't need them in the fight to change the world. Why is that? Are so many people really so blinded by their own ego that they think they can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders by themselves?
How does that work exactly when they spend all your free time insulting people for not knowing whether Men's Rights Activists are a legit thing and having no clue why the trans* kid they just met is calling them “cis white dickhead” in such a mean way? Are these people really stupid and selfish enough to think that we don't need all the allies we can get in the fight for equality?
These are exactly the people whose minds we need to change before we will ever achieve equality, and the fact that any of these people are willing to ask questions at all is a huge victory! You can either help them understand the flaws in their thinking with respect and compassion, or become a complete hypocrite by ruining the one opening they've had in their lives to care about something greater than themselves. The choice is yours.
But I strongly caution: don't be mean. If you're sick of people asking questions, direct them to a better resource respectfully, because they will not know what you've been through. Give them a chance.
However, does that voice have to be quite so unpleasant?
I'm not talking about the amazing leaders in the trans* community and those who know just how important it is to work for the safety of trans* people everywhere. I'm talking about those little tumblr twits who scroll through endless snippets of information, not bothering to fact-check or think for themselves, and get themselves all up in a hissyfit because the world is so obviously depressing.
Do you really think world peace is going to happen if you comment on Billy Bob's post about the cis-white-male-abelist-racist-gendernormative-heteronormative-dickhead with another slew of the same words and an extra dosage of rage? How is that useful?
You know what? The world is full of hate. Focusing on every tiny morsel of it you find is a waste of frickin' time. All you did was put more of that hate in the world. Sure, it might be enough to get yourself off the hook from feeling guilty because you know you're doing little of value to truly help your community. If you were, you wouldn't have enough time for those pointless, hate-filled comments.
The worst part is when people who genuinely want to understand your plight, and don't know anything about the trans* identity or feminism, reach out to ask questions only to get their heads bitten off by a bunch of people who have become too self-important to be nice to others. Well you know what? Not everybody has gone through the same things you have, and not everyone is going to know what you know (or think you know, anyway). These people have come to you for answers and understanding.
For that brief moment, you represent to them the entire community you are a part of, and what you've shown them is cruelty and malice. Great job! You scarred them for life and now they'll be able to tell their friends that they met a trans* person or a “feminist” once. They had naively thought maybe they could be part of the group themselves and help the cause. But, instead, they had a horrific firsthand experience that will haunt them forever. If they hear the words “trans*” or “feminism,” all they will think of is you and your hatred.
KUDOS! LIKE! STAR IT! SHARE! TWEET IT! PIN IT! LOOK AT YOUR VICTORY! GR8 JOB!
Yelling at people – yeah, now that's the way to change the world! Reviling people and getting them as defensive and angry as you feel is super productive, especially when you manage to turn them against your cause. You may not have meant to, but due to the extreme amount of negativity you've unloaded on them, don't be surprised when all they feel is anger when they're reminded of anything you were trying to pound into their heads. I can see how you might confuse that with “helping.” Okay, not really.
So maybe I threw in the term “transphobic” to get people hooked, to revel in controversy, to roll around in attention for a minute so that I can talk about something that really bothers me. The fact that these methods have actively turned people with the capacity for unconditional love across all spectrums, into shaky, angry people who can't see the word “trans*” or “feminist” without wanting to punch something, is really saying a lot to me. I never had a problem with trans* people or feminists until social media gave the wrong ones a chance to represent their community. I could easily be considered a member of either group.
That said, I don't care how many of you are going to bash this post and use all your pretty little words and insults at me – because it will just prove to me that you've missed the point, and you're not worth acknowledging. I want the trans* people and feminists who actually care about making a difference in the world to address this as a fundamental problem. Because I want to see humanity in general succeed. Women, trans*, men, who even cares? Love is what people need to succeed. I want to see trans* people and women treated equally and given a voice, and you, my little angry friends, are really fucking things up for everybody.
If I, an asexual feminist woman in a lesbian relationship (and thus, ultimately somehow an indirect member of the trans* community due to the nifty asterisk) can be so distraught and deterred by your methods, to the point that I don't even want to read anything written for or by the feminist or trans* audience (barring prominent activists I already know and trust) then what do you think you're doing to help your image and debunk the myths and fears most common people have of women and gender identities? People are taught to fear what they don't understand and grow up sheltered from the reality that we exist. They just legitimately don't know better.
I'm from a small town where even just being gay is like, “Holyshitwhat? That happens?” Let alone the radical ideas fueling feminism and the trans* community. That kind of thing pretty much never happens in a small town, and thus it isn't something most people know they should think about, let alone obsess over, like you do as a part of it. Therefore, they will not be equipped to handle all of your slurs and terminology if they suddenly, by some miracle, become curious enough to ask questions and attempt to show compassion and understanding in their own ways.
The fact that they're interested alone is a victory. And yet what are way too many people doing? Scaring them off and making them feel like we don't need them in the fight to change the world. Why is that? Are so many people really so blinded by their own ego that they think they can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders by themselves?
How does that work exactly when they spend all your free time insulting people for not knowing whether Men's Rights Activists are a legit thing and having no clue why the trans* kid they just met is calling them “cis white dickhead” in such a mean way? Are these people really stupid and selfish enough to think that we don't need all the allies we can get in the fight for equality?
These are exactly the people whose minds we need to change before we will ever achieve equality, and the fact that any of these people are willing to ask questions at all is a huge victory! You can either help them understand the flaws in their thinking with respect and compassion, or become a complete hypocrite by ruining the one opening they've had in their lives to care about something greater than themselves. The choice is yours.
But I strongly caution: don't be mean. If you're sick of people asking questions, direct them to a better resource respectfully, because they will not know what you've been through. Give them a chance.